Author: Treading Water

Seasons Change but emptiness remains

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A tiny ding on my phone and a text that read, “Mom, I feel empty inside like there is a void and I can’t figure it out.” It wasn’t the first conversation along these lines in recent weeks that had been sent my way. This time I didn’t hesitate I decided to be bold and respond with the truth that they heard when they were little, but had since rejected and put out of their mind.

“Honey,” I responded, “We were created by a relational God. In the garden of Eden He would come just to walk and talk with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. Can you imagine! God walking right there with you! It was the cool of the day when He showed up to confront Adam and Eve after they first broke faith with Him and brought sin into the world. He knew what they had done, but He still responded to them relationally and they responded with accusations and blame.

Right there in that moment something new was created inside each one of us. Blaise Pascal described it like this, “What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself”~Blaise Pascal’s Pensees

I continued in my text saying, “God is in a relational pursuit with you and He is not going to give it a rest until He has been allowed to fill that hole in your heart.”

Eugene Peterson the author of The Message Bible would say to his son each night, “God loves you. He’s on your side. He’s coming after you. He’s relentless.” 

That is my hope and my belief even if I don’t see anything changing for my child. The response to my text that day was crickets…nothing, but I hold on to hope. One place I found hope is in Luke 15:1-32. The Pharisees and Scribes had gathered around each other trash talking Jesus saying, “All he does is hang around sinners and eat with them!”

Jesus turns to them and responds by telling 3 parables that are all related. The first is the parable of the lost sheep where the shepherd goes out look for the one that is lost and he keeps looking until he finds it. When he does find it he calls his friends throwing a party to rejoice over the one that was found. Jesus closes the parable by saying all of Heaven also rejoices every time one sinner is found and repents.

The second is about a lost coin and the woman of the house literally turning everything upside down in her search for that single coin. She lights a lamp and seeks diligently until she finds it. She does not give up until that coin is in her hand and then calls her friends to rejoice over what was lost being found. Once again Jesus says the angels rejoice over one sinner repenting.

The last parable is about a father who has a prodigal son. In the story the son says to his father, “Give me my inheritance now (which was hugely disrespectful and arrogant).” Then the son went off to do whatever he wanted to do. He did things I am sure the father had warned him never to do and hoped he would never experience. Not surprisingly things got ugly, hard, and empty for the prodigal. He thought to himself, “My father’s servants have a better life than me…I will go ask to be just a servant in my father’s house.” Imagine that young man’s surprise when it wasn’t the servants that saw him first, but his father who had been watching for him diligently hoping and praying for his return. His father ran to him, hugged him, and kissed him. You may know the rest of the story if not you need to read it. The point I am making is God does not give up, He keeps looking for what is lost, He seeks what needs to be found and He will run to your wayward child, throw His arms around them, kiss them, and welcome them home. The party in heaven will be awesome!

One day I hope to be looking down a road that is rugged and worn with the sun setting in the distance and see my prodigal walking my way with the Father by their side. In that moment I will know that their heart is whole because God will have filled it in the way only He can.

Pray: Father, be with my wayward one today. Keep seeking and calling out to them out as they ignore You and seek other ways to fill the emptiness inside their heart. And as I wait (sometimes in fear and doubt) remind me that You love them more than I ever could and You will not stop relentlessly pursuing them. ~Amen

New year Continuing to hope!

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As I sit here in the waning hours of 2024 I find myself considering what the new year will bring. I hear the pop of fireworks going off and can see neighborhood houses lit up and filled with guests. In recent years with all that has been going on in our home I have often looked for a quiet place to sit and put down my thoughts about the year that is coming to a close.

This year I am more focused how 2025 will be different for our family. With all that has gone on in just the last few weeks everything has changed as to how my husband and I will be relating to our kids in the coming year. There is grief and hope all meshed together in what is going on. How our family looks has been changed forever. As I am watching the clock tick down another minute closer to the end of 2024 I am reminded that my hope should be in my heavenly family and not my earthly one.

Your year may be starting off much like mine as you hear people wishing you a Happy New Year, but it does not feel like it will be happy or new. The calendar may change, but you expect that not much else will. May I offer some encouragement to help bring you into the new year with more hope?

“But when the fullness of time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law that we might receive the adoption as sons. Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!'” Galations 4:4-6 NASB

Remember who you are: You have been adopted into a heavenly family and are fully loved. You are covered by grace that came from Jesus’ sacrificial act on the cross. You have the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit living within you who prays for you when words are hard to come by. You have the right to cry out, “Abba Father!” and He hears you! Not only that, He sees our tears and He collects them in jars remembering our grief and working all things to His good purposes.

(Galatians 4:6, Ephesians 2:8, Romans 8:26, Psalm 56:9)

Knowing these things, I pray that you have hope in 2025. Specifically asking that the Lord will help you to pray for your children expectantly and boldly. That you would be filled with His joy and peace as you believe He is working in their lives. Trusting He will enable you to love them even when it is hard. That you would be filled with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Believing that the same Spirit will give you the strength to do the things that will point them ultimately to their Father in Heaven. Most of all, I pray that you will experience your Abba Father in new ways. That you will be given abundant reasons to be thankful. That you would experience the blessing of encouragement from other believers as you walk this journey with your wandering wayward children.

Hope for 2025! “Now may the God of Hope fill you with Joy and Peace in Believing, so that you will abound in Hope by the Power of the Holy Spirit” Romans 15:13 NASB

Here is a prayer from Every Moment Holy by McElvey that might help you as you work to pray expectantly in the coming year.

Momentary Liturgies for the Practicing the Presence of God: 

Upon Randomly Thinking of Another Person

God, as I hold _______
a moment in my thoughts,
I ask that you would hold them
eternally in yours,
remaining ever at work
in their heart and life,
even now directing their paths
toward your good ends.

Amen

From the book “Every Moment Holy” Volume 1 by Douglas Kaine Mckelvey; Rabbit Room Press, 2017

The light in the Dark

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In my last post I shared that this is the time of year where the short days and longer nights can often overwhelm me. This year, I have struggled even more in the midst of disappointment and grief.  Today Winter Solstice has arrived! This extremely short day that holds the least amount of sunlight for the year, at least in our hemisphere, is also the beginning of longer days and increasing light.

Light is deeply entwined in who we are as believers.  Let’s look at a few verses and take some time to celebrate the increasing light we not only experience physically but also spiritually.

Genesis 1:3–4
 “And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.”

“Genesis 1:14-15 MSG “God spoke: Lights! Come out! Shine in Heaven’s sky! Separate Day from Night. Mark seasons and day and year, Lights in Heaven’s sky to give light to the Earth.” And there it was.”

The light was good and we stare at the sky and note the phases of the moon and the activities in the dark expanse that indicate the passage of time.  And those things remind us of Someone way bigger than ourselves that thought to create light first. 

Isaiah 61:1 NIV “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners”


John 8:12 “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’”

As Jesus stood before his hometown people and repeated Isaiah’s prophecy saying that He was the fulfillment those words the people who knew him from his youth embraced the darkness and took him to a place stone him. Jesus called himself the light of the world. God not only created light He is our light.


John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

1 John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.”

Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?”

James 1:17 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

Psalm 18:28. “For it is you who light my lamp;
the Lord my God lightens my darkness.”

Psalm 119:130 “The unfolding of your words gives light;
it imparts understanding to the simple.”

God is our light in the darkness. He cannot be overcome. He is our salvation and the reason we do not have to be afraid. He my safe place and I do not need to fear. He is the Father of lights who will never change.  He gives me light in the midst of my darkness. He is the light that gives me understanding to what He has said. He is my light.

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

Job 33:28 “He has redeemed my soul from going down into the pit,
and my life shall look upon the light.”

Psalm 37:6
 “He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.”

His light has made me chosen, a part of a royal priesthood, belonging to a holy nation, and His special possession.  His light has redeemed me from death and brought me into life!  His light has made me righteous and just. 

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

Ephesians 5:8 “For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.”

Luke 8:16 “No one after lighting a lamp covers it with a jar or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light.”

John 3:21 “But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

Now I have His light in me and I need to be that light that shines in the darkness.  I am His light and I need to be sure that it shines where all can see.  My light shows others the works that God is doing through in and through me.  

I am thankful for the reminder that comes around each year as we celebrate the advent of Christ and the season of lights.  I am also thankful that the longest night of the year is the start of longer days ahead.  It is a reminder that things will get brighter and I have a reason to hope.

Merry Christmas Everyone! 

The Darkness that overwhelms…

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I must confess that I have felt upside down the last few weeks.  This is the season of darkness before the return of light.  I have always struggled with this time of year when I know the light will decrease day by day until that very short day in December comes and the light begins to slowly return.

I am a sun-loving individual. I enjoy the warm days with the blue skies and leaves rustling in the summer breeze. Those once brilliant greens of summer have long since changed from brilliant reds and golds to a withered brown and have fallen to the ground.  All that is left is a few dry leaves that rattle in the chilly air of late Fall. For me it is the beginning of the dark and cold days of winter. 

This is the time of year where we reminisce about the months that have gone by and look forward to the approaching holiday season. Usually the sparkle and lights of Christmas lift my spirits, but more recently those things do not seem to have the same effect. Memories of my children’s laughter and exclamations of joy have faded as the new realities of what is going on in their lives have taken center stage. 

After expressing this to a friend she asked me, “What would it look like for you to experience the knowledge of and belief in the love that God has for you?”  My response to her was, “I think it would feel like this season of darkness would feel less fearsome.  The sorrows and regrets that I experience would be lessened because I would know that I am not alone in the midst of them. There would be a calmness in the knowledge and the faith that God loves me always.”

Can I ask you a question? Are you struggling with a season of darkness? My friend shared a verse with me that day that lead me to a place of comfort. She reminded me about what we have in Christ. 

In 1 John 4:15-16 it says:

“Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God’s Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we’ve embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.” ~The Message

The ESV version says, ” Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.  So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”  

Abiding is a two-way intimate relationship with God.  We cannot acknowledge and believe in God’s love without practicing the presence of God.  How do you practice the presence of God? One way is being silent with Him. I know that sounds crazy, but studies have shown the positive impact of finding a place and just being quiet. Taking time each day to just sit in silence with God and being still does have a profound impact on your understanding of God’s love for you.

How you can abide with God:

  1. Find a quiet place where you will not be distracted.
  2. Be silent.  Really just be quiet!
  3. Wait on God and just breathe.
  4. Push away the thoughts that creep in and continue in your silence.
  5. Listen for what He has to say to you.
  6. Write those thoughts down.
  7. Close with prayer by
    1. Taking time to glorify God
    2. Confessing any sins that might have been brought to mind in the silence
    3. Expressing gratitude and thankfulness to God
    4. Bringing your needs before Him.

Your first few times doing this will feel awkward, but eventually you will hear God speak to your heart in the silence. And your soul will be refreshed by your time spent with Him. 

Isaiah 30:15 ”For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, “In repentance and rest you will be saved. In quietness and trust is your strength.”

 Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

Sword of the Spirit

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Normally I try to post every other Tuesday, but this week has been a struggle.  I am sure you all have experienced a week where there are days too full of things, both good and bad, happy and sad, productive and time consuming to take the time to think.  Followed by other days where there is nothing to do but you find yourself too overwhelmed, sad, angry, or tired to think. If you are nodding your head right now then you understand how this week has been for me. 

As I pondered what to put into words to encourage you in your journey with your prodigal or prodigals, it occurred to me that when I need to be refreshed in my spirit and hear from God I have a journal that I can pull out and read. This precious resource holds verses and thoughts I have written down over the last several years.  They are words that I feel God used to build up and enable me to move forward on my path of faith. I thought I would just share a few of those verses with you today.  Also at the end of my post I am including a short prayer that is easy to memorize and say at any moment of the day for those you hold so dear in your heart. 

The verses below were the result of a search I did after reading a daily devotional in Judy Douglass’ book “When You Love a Prodigal”. 

In the devotional, Judy said, “If we are going to consider how we can radically love our prodigals, we ourselves must be certain of, confident in, and comfortable with God’s love for us.”

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:16-19

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

“…the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jeremiah 31:3

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39

“…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”  2 Timothy 1:7

“But I trust in you, O Lord ; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! Make your face shine on your servant; save me in your steadfast love!” Psalm 31:14-16

I am sure you can think of other verses that talk about God’s love for us that are special to you. We can be encouraged that God loves us extravagantly and we can share some of that extravagant love with our wayward hearted children.  

Here is the prayer I mentioned before:

Momentary Liturgies for the Practicing the Presence of God: 

Upon Randomly Thinking of Another Person

God, as I hold _______
a moment in my thoughts,
I ask that you would hold them
eternally in yours,
remaining ever at work
in their heart and life,
even now directing their paths
toward your good ends.

Amen

From the book “Every Moment Holy” Volume 1 by Douglas Kaine Mckelvey; Rabbit Room Press, 2017

Expectant Prayer

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

We are in the midst of a difficult time. Both of our kids have turned away from God and have embraced a different lifestyle that is leading them further away from Him. As I ponder the impact of my kids’ decisions I wonder what do I pray?  How can I pray expectantly when I am aware that things are not likely to change anytime soon?  How do I pray through the disappointment and pain wondering if what I see them doing today is going to be the story of their lives?

First, I think it is important to realize that there are things that I cannot change or control concerning the story unfolding before my eyes.  Second, I need to believe that the Author of that story, the God who was, is, and always will be, is intimately involved in writing that story.  He is moving their story towards the conclusion He has in mind.  It is a grand story that I will read one day even though now I can’t even read past the page I am living out. 

How can I be confident God is working in our children’s lives? I only need to look back on the story of my own life up to this point and reread those pages with the knowledge of where I am today in mind.  Those pages reveal the truth of God’s faithfulness thus far in my life. I know I can trust Him. In that reality I can pray expectantly because I know the story is not finished yet for me or my kids.  

As a young couple we had prayed expectantly for years for a child. We waited while loss after loss assailed us.  Just after another loss broke our hearts we looked to God and whispered, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (2 Chronicles 20:12) He answered, “I long to be gracious to you and show you compassion…wait for me.”(Isaiah 30:18) In the midst of that expectant prayer we were denied an opportunity to go on an assignment that we desired overseas.  In that moment of disappointment our expectant prayer was answered because we were available to be stateside when the opportunity to adopt our first child became available.  We were finally able to rejoice saying, “I cried out to God Most High and He fulfilled His purpose for me….God sent His love and faithfulness.” (Psalm 57:2-3) A temporary opportunity was denied in moving overseas but a forever family was created because of it. A new line in our story was written.

I will pray expectantly for my children because I have time and breath to do so. I will pray expectantly for my kids knowing that God has shown me that He is a part of their story. I will pray expectantly for my kids because I have hope that their eyes and ears will be opened and their hearts changed so that they will turn to God and be healed one day (Matthew 13:15). I may not get to read that page this side of heaven, but I am confident that page will be waiting for me when I get there. I can pray expectantly because my Heavenly Father has said, “Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4)  He has smiled at me and said, “Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is my will for you.”  ( I Thessalonians 5: 16-18)

Right now my heart aches with the pain of the decisions my kids are making but I know that is not the end of the story.  “I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”  “Wait for me” He says, “Be strong, take heart and wait for me.” (Psalm 27:13-14) And so I will, wait that is, for the pages to be written. I will wait for the chance to look back and see how the mystery of their story is unfolding.  I will wait expectantly for answers to be revealed.  I will daily give thanks for God’s faithfulness that is new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

“The Lord Almighty has sworn, “Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.”  Isaiah 14:24 

How can you pray expectantly for your children or grandchildren today?  What are answers to prayers you have experienced in the past that would help you to trust God today with the future?  Take some time to ponder and write these things down and then start praying daily with an expectant heart. 

“A thin place to see glory.”

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“God makes a thin place to see glory.” ~ Ann Voskamp The Greatest Gift

When Ann spoke about this in her book The Greatest Gift it made so much sense to me.  I thought of the thin places I have in my soul. They are places that have been worn through and made raw by the hurt and pain I have experienced. New ragged holes in my soul have revealed and renewed a precious truth to me in my journey with my two wayward hearts. That truth is: God is always with me.

Where do those thin places come from for parents whose children have wayward hearts?

  • They come from conversations filled with tears, anger, and accusations of hate because we hold to our beliefs on sexuality even as we hold to our love for them and they cannot accept the two are compatible or true. 
  • They come from the on-going sorrow related to calls from the police because of a failed attempt to remain sober or clean.  
  • They come from manic days ending in hospitalization because the demons of mental health are attacking their mind and winning the battle with the one you love so deeply.
  • They come from the unanswered texts, calls, or emails you’ve sent to the one who loved God at one time, but now wants nothing to do with Him or you.  
  • They come from hurts that have not been mentioned above. Pain caused by a wayward heart that you love and weep over.

These are the things that rub and tear thin places in our souls. Hopefully you can see His glory peeking through those ragged holes. God did not cause the pain, but He will use the pain to reveal His glory and draw you closer to Him. When these holes in our souls are revealed, try not to focus on the pain alone instead look for the presence of God with you. To be totally honest, that presence is sometimes hard to see. When that happens we have to hold on to the truth of His word. God said in Isaiah, “I will be with you.” Trust Him He will!

Isaiah 43:2
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

What are the thin ragged places in your soul?  Are you trusting God with those things?  Do you see him there with you? If not, take the time now to ask God to show you how He is with you in the midst of your pain.  Ask Him to help you trust Him with your pain, sorrows, regrets, and rejection. Then take the time to thank Him for always being there with you. 

Tuesday’s Child

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For weeks now I have dreaded Tuesdays because that has been the day that my oldest child injects themselves with the hormone designed to change them physically into what they feel they are. This week another Tuesday morning rolled around…this Tuesday was different. I woke up in tears as my dreams took me on a journey through my deepest fears. I had been dreaming that I was speaking at their funeral. This on the morning celebrating their birth.

In the dream I was standing in the front of their friends who were gathered mourning the loss of my child and implored them to understand the love that God had for them. I told them how Jesus saw them so worthy of His attention, grace and mercy that He took the ugliness of our sin on Himself so that we could become beloved children of God. I spoke to them about their wounded hearts that may have even come at the hands of beloved children of God in their lives who only showed judgement against them. I pleaded with them to look away from those people and see only Christ who could heal those wounds. To ignore the lies whispered in their ears daily about their unworthiness that led them to walk away from the faith of their youth or reject that faith before it even began. I challenged the believers who were present to come forward and share the love of Christ with those who were in desperate need of that gift of acceptance.

I woke up crying, knowing that a funeral would be too late for my child. I prayed that they would be reminded of the faith they once had that was so winsome and true. As I lay in bed thinking and wiping the tears from my eyes, I was reminded again of the day they were born. It was also a Tuesday morning. There is an old poem that has a line that says, “Tuesday’s child is full of grace” and being a Tuesday’s child as well I always held that as a special link between us.

This morning God reminded me that I don’t need to dread Tuesdays. Just as I did 20+ years ago when I held that beautiful Tuesday’s child in my arms and thanked God. Today, I thank God that His grace is sufficient and He has not stopped pursuing the heart of my Tuesday’s child.

Take time today and thank God that He is still pursuing the heart of your wayward child. He knows your heart and hears your prayers. Hosea 14:4 (NIV) says, “I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them.”