The hard stuff

Seasons Change but emptiness remains

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A tiny ding on my phone and a text that read, “Mom, I feel empty inside like there is a void and I can’t figure it out.” It wasn’t the first conversation along these lines in recent weeks that had been sent my way. This time I didn’t hesitate I decided to be bold and respond with the truth that they heard when they were little, but had since rejected and put out of their mind.

“Honey,” I responded, “We were created by a relational God. In the garden of Eden He would come just to walk and talk with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. Can you imagine! God walking right there with you! It was the cool of the day when He showed up to confront Adam and Eve after they first broke faith with Him and brought sin into the world. He knew what they had done, but He still responded to them relationally and they responded with accusations and blame.

Right there in that moment something new was created inside each one of us. Blaise Pascal described it like this, “What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself”~Blaise Pascal’s Pensees

I continued in my text saying, “God is in a relational pursuit with you and He is not going to give it a rest until He has been allowed to fill that hole in your heart.”

Eugene Peterson the author of The Message Bible would say to his son each night, “God loves you. He’s on your side. He’s coming after you. He’s relentless.” 

That is my hope and my belief even if I don’t see anything changing for my child. The response to my text that day was crickets…nothing, but I hold on to hope. One place I found hope is in Luke 15:1-32. The Pharisees and Scribes had gathered around each other trash talking Jesus saying, “All he does is hang around sinners and eat with them!”

Jesus turns to them and responds by telling 3 parables that are all related. The first is the parable of the lost sheep where the shepherd goes out look for the one that is lost and he keeps looking until he finds it. When he does find it he calls his friends throwing a party to rejoice over the one that was found. Jesus closes the parable by saying all of Heaven also rejoices every time one sinner is found and repents.

The second is about a lost coin and the woman of the house literally turning everything upside down in her search for that single coin. She lights a lamp and seeks diligently until she finds it. She does not give up until that coin is in her hand and then calls her friends to rejoice over what was lost being found. Once again Jesus says the angels rejoice over one sinner repenting.

The last parable is about a father who has a prodigal son. In the story the son says to his father, “Give me my inheritance now (which was hugely disrespectful and arrogant).” Then the son went off to do whatever he wanted to do. He did things I am sure the father had warned him never to do and hoped he would never experience. Not surprisingly things got ugly, hard, and empty for the prodigal. He thought to himself, “My father’s servants have a better life than me…I will go ask to be just a servant in my father’s house.” Imagine that young man’s surprise when it wasn’t the servants that saw him first, but his father who had been watching for him diligently hoping and praying for his return. His father ran to him, hugged him, and kissed him. You may know the rest of the story if not you need to read it. The point I am making is God does not give up, He keeps looking for what is lost, He seeks what needs to be found and He will run to your wayward child, throw His arms around them, kiss them, and welcome them home. The party in heaven will be awesome!

One day I hope to be looking down a road that is rugged and worn with the sun setting in the distance and see my prodigal walking my way with the Father by their side. In that moment I will know that their heart is whole because God will have filled it in the way only He can.

Pray: Father, be with my wayward one today. Keep seeking and calling out to them out as they ignore You and seek other ways to fill the emptiness inside their heart. And as I wait (sometimes in fear and doubt) remind me that You love them more than I ever could and You will not stop relentlessly pursuing them. ~Amen

New year Continuing to hope!

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As I sit here in the waning hours of 2024 I find myself considering what the new year will bring. I hear the pop of fireworks going off and can see neighborhood houses lit up and filled with guests. In recent years with all that has been going on in our home I have often looked for a quiet place to sit and put down my thoughts about the year that is coming to a close.

This year I am more focused how 2025 will be different for our family. With all that has gone on in just the last few weeks everything has changed as to how my husband and I will be relating to our kids in the coming year. There is grief and hope all meshed together in what is going on. How our family looks has been changed forever. As I am watching the clock tick down another minute closer to the end of 2024 I am reminded that my hope should be in my heavenly family and not my earthly one.

Your year may be starting off much like mine as you hear people wishing you a Happy New Year, but it does not feel like it will be happy or new. The calendar may change, but you expect that not much else will. May I offer some encouragement to help bring you into the new year with more hope?

“But when the fullness of time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law that we might receive the adoption as sons. Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!'” Galations 4:4-6 NASB

Remember who you are: You have been adopted into a heavenly family and are fully loved. You are covered by grace that came from Jesus’ sacrificial act on the cross. You have the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit living within you who prays for you when words are hard to come by. You have the right to cry out, “Abba Father!” and He hears you! Not only that, He sees our tears and He collects them in jars remembering our grief and working all things to His good purposes.

(Galatians 4:6, Ephesians 2:8, Romans 8:26, Psalm 56:9)

Knowing these things, I pray that you have hope in 2025. Specifically asking that the Lord will help you to pray for your children expectantly and boldly. That you would be filled with His joy and peace as you believe He is working in their lives. Trusting He will enable you to love them even when it is hard. That you would be filled with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Believing that the same Spirit will give you the strength to do the things that will point them ultimately to their Father in Heaven. Most of all, I pray that you will experience your Abba Father in new ways. That you will be given abundant reasons to be thankful. That you would experience the blessing of encouragement from other believers as you walk this journey with your wandering wayward children.

Hope for 2025! “Now may the God of Hope fill you with Joy and Peace in Believing, so that you will abound in Hope by the Power of the Holy Spirit” Romans 15:13 NASB

Here is a prayer from Every Moment Holy by McElvey that might help you as you work to pray expectantly in the coming year.

Momentary Liturgies for the Practicing the Presence of God: 

Upon Randomly Thinking of Another Person

God, as I hold _______
a moment in my thoughts,
I ask that you would hold them
eternally in yours,
remaining ever at work
in their heart and life,
even now directing their paths
toward your good ends.

Amen

From the book “Every Moment Holy” Volume 1 by Douglas Kaine Mckelvey; Rabbit Room Press, 2017

Expectant Prayer

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

We are in the midst of a difficult time. Both of our kids have turned away from God and have embraced a different lifestyle that is leading them further away from Him. As I ponder the impact of my kids’ decisions I wonder what do I pray?  How can I pray expectantly when I am aware that things are not likely to change anytime soon?  How do I pray through the disappointment and pain wondering if what I see them doing today is going to be the story of their lives?

First, I think it is important to realize that there are things that I cannot change or control concerning the story unfolding before my eyes.  Second, I need to believe that the Author of that story, the God who was, is, and always will be, is intimately involved in writing that story.  He is moving their story towards the conclusion He has in mind.  It is a grand story that I will read one day even though now I can’t even read past the page I am living out. 

How can I be confident God is working in our children’s lives? I only need to look back on the story of my own life up to this point and reread those pages with the knowledge of where I am today in mind.  Those pages reveal the truth of God’s faithfulness thus far in my life. I know I can trust Him. In that reality I can pray expectantly because I know the story is not finished yet for me or my kids.  

As a young couple we had prayed expectantly for years for a child. We waited while loss after loss assailed us.  Just after another loss broke our hearts we looked to God and whispered, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (2 Chronicles 20:12) He answered, “I long to be gracious to you and show you compassion…wait for me.”(Isaiah 30:18) In the midst of that expectant prayer we were denied an opportunity to go on an assignment that we desired overseas.  In that moment of disappointment our expectant prayer was answered because we were available to be stateside when the opportunity to adopt our first child became available.  We were finally able to rejoice saying, “I cried out to God Most High and He fulfilled His purpose for me….God sent His love and faithfulness.” (Psalm 57:2-3) A temporary opportunity was denied in moving overseas but a forever family was created because of it. A new line in our story was written.

I will pray expectantly for my children because I have time and breath to do so. I will pray expectantly for my kids knowing that God has shown me that He is a part of their story. I will pray expectantly for my kids because I have hope that their eyes and ears will be opened and their hearts changed so that they will turn to God and be healed one day (Matthew 13:15). I may not get to read that page this side of heaven, but I am confident that page will be waiting for me when I get there. I can pray expectantly because my Heavenly Father has said, “Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4)  He has smiled at me and said, “Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is my will for you.”  ( I Thessalonians 5: 16-18)

Right now my heart aches with the pain of the decisions my kids are making but I know that is not the end of the story.  “I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”  “Wait for me” He says, “Be strong, take heart and wait for me.” (Psalm 27:13-14) And so I will, wait that is, for the pages to be written. I will wait for the chance to look back and see how the mystery of their story is unfolding.  I will wait expectantly for answers to be revealed.  I will daily give thanks for God’s faithfulness that is new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

“The Lord Almighty has sworn, “Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.”  Isaiah 14:24 

How can you pray expectantly for your children or grandchildren today?  What are answers to prayers you have experienced in the past that would help you to trust God today with the future?  Take some time to ponder and write these things down and then start praying daily with an expectant heart. 

“A thin place to see glory.”

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“God makes a thin place to see glory.” ~ Ann Voskamp The Greatest Gift

When Ann spoke about this in her book The Greatest Gift it made so much sense to me.  I thought of the thin places I have in my soul. They are places that have been worn through and made raw by the hurt and pain I have experienced. New ragged holes in my soul have revealed and renewed a precious truth to me in my journey with my two wayward hearts. That truth is: God is always with me.

Where do those thin places come from for parents whose children have wayward hearts?

  • They come from conversations filled with tears, anger, and accusations of hate because we hold to our beliefs on sexuality even as we hold to our love for them and they cannot accept the two are compatible or true. 
  • They come from the on-going sorrow related to calls from the police because of a failed attempt to remain sober or clean.  
  • They come from manic days ending in hospitalization because the demons of mental health are attacking their mind and winning the battle with the one you love so deeply.
  • They come from the unanswered texts, calls, or emails you’ve sent to the one who loved God at one time, but now wants nothing to do with Him or you.  
  • They come from hurts that have not been mentioned above. Pain caused by a wayward heart that you love and weep over.

These are the things that rub and tear thin places in our souls. Hopefully you can see His glory peeking through those ragged holes. God did not cause the pain, but He will use the pain to reveal His glory and draw you closer to Him. When these holes in our souls are revealed, try not to focus on the pain alone instead look for the presence of God with you. To be totally honest, that presence is sometimes hard to see. When that happens we have to hold on to the truth of His word. God said in Isaiah, “I will be with you.” Trust Him He will!

Isaiah 43:2
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

What are the thin ragged places in your soul?  Are you trusting God with those things?  Do you see him there with you? If not, take the time now to ask God to show you how He is with you in the midst of your pain.  Ask Him to help you trust Him with your pain, sorrows, regrets, and rejection. Then take the time to thank Him for always being there with you.